Aamir’s
female infanticide episode has triggered a lot of discussion all over the globe
and it Is in rumours that Aamir is planning another episode to highlight the
counterview of why actually people avoid female child and why is this gender
discrimination rampant. The shocking observation found is the reason for female
infanticide is not actually the male gender but it is actually the female
gender.
Whether it
is America, Holland, Britain or any other developed country, there sex
determination tests are common and the issue of choosing the right gender by
the parents Is never an issue.
But In India
why do parents fear to go in for a female child ?. Why do they have the
tendency to go in for a male child ? I see in the most educated and the highest
society, people perform poojas, upanyasa like harivamsha hoping to get only
male child. Even when the elders give aashirvadham, it is always putra bhava
and the aashirvadha putri bhava does not even exist. Whenever I speak in favour
of having a female child, the simple question everyone asks me is
“You already have five male kids and you
saying I favour girl child is hypocracy. Just imagine if all your five kids had
been female, then would you had been the same as you are today ?
For this
just a few years back, my reply was a positive Yes. I would have loved to be
with five female kids with no regrets. But today I feel I am blessed by God to
have male children and the reason for this feeling is the attitude of majority
of females in the society.
The reason
for males developing hatred towards the female gender lies in the behaviour of
today’s majority females. I have the experience of being very closely
associated with more than five girls for whom I was like a father figure, a
motivator, a advisor and above all the most trusted person.
Off the five
girls only two stood by these feelings and even today adhere and respect me and
always make me feel proud. They in fact make me feel that Girls are a blessing
to this world.
While in the
eyes of the other three, two are not in contact with me as they are well settled now and I am not
bothered as they still respect me in their hearts although they might not be in
close touch with me. But in the case of one, i understood the real problem of
why men hate the female gender.
Every father
agrees that it is always very easy to handle a son rather than a daughter. The
reason is male in most of the cases are clear and committed in their views and
can be very easily understood by parents. But in the case of daughters it is
impossible to know exactly what is that they want even to the most intelligent
of the fathers in the world. I am not generalising. I know there are many many
committed girls who are clear in their thoughts and actions.
In my sorrounding society of Brahmins I am considered the most liberal and by many as anachari as i think in a broader
perspective rather than with the views of dharma and aacharas. Although in open
many fear to support me by heart they are with me for the reason that I always
give more importance to the jeeva that has life rather than jada like things
idols, rituals, aacharas etc. My only view is when we do some action aachara, vratha or any dharma, if it is going
to hurt any jeeva then we should never perform that action. follow any ritual but when it hurts someone then just ignore or avoid such things. This is my
principle and this is the way I lead my life.
I was
approached by a girl whose family were very orthodox. She expressed her pain,
when she was treated as an untouchable during periods, during auspicious
celebrations. She told she wanted to be like every other male who enjoy all
benefits while all hardships are forced on females.
I then told
her you need not worry. The only way to tackle this issue is that you be of
some use to the society. If you are well educated, if you are beneficial to the
society, If you build some skill set and if you are on your own legs then you
could be the most respected. Later for guidance she asked me and was interested
to take career in the field in which we are involved.
I gave a
standing instruction in the house. I told everyone never ever create
any hindrance
for her freedom. Whatever she wishes let us she enjoy and let us not feel just
because she is female she is being made to suffer.
During
menses period against our rituals she was allowed to be freely involved with my
children. She told she wanted to get hair trimmed but my dharma does not allow
it. I told don’t worry we will support. This way I supported her every move and
told, trimming hair, waxing skin, wearing jeans are not the issues that bothers
the society but what bothers is how do you interact and how actually you can be
of use to the society in any situation.
I never had
anything in my mind. I just kept supporting whatever she wanted. As a kid my
only dream was that I should be in a position to fulfil every wish tomorrow my
children will have for. Because my father had done it for me. He never bothered
about society and through out he always saw what I wanted. That is the reason
why even when one fine day I ran away from my final degree saying I hate this
education system, he supported me and made me build my career in the way I
really preferred it to be.
Same is the
case with my children and I never want to force any of the five children in our
family to live in fear of society. Let them do what they wish until it is not
harmful to the other members of this society.
Same
attitude I carried out on this girl saying you do what you wish and you be what
you want ? I supported every motive. I told I will try to create more
opportunities and it is your job to convert it into results.
Everything
went on fine. For two years she stayed with my family, she was a part of my
five children and actively took part in every activity of our family.
But trouble
started right when they shifted to an area surrounded by what we call the most
principled and aacharavantha families.
She was
surrounded by fake people who use dharma as a mask to cover up their failures
in their real life. When they are not able to perform well in academics, when
they fail to get good post in job,, they want to get a virtual respect and want
to feel they are the learned and for this the best tool they use is our dharma
or religion.
Although we
have the most learned scholars and many dedicated people who have dedicated
their entire life to understand our culture and tradition, there numbers are
negligible as majority of people in this society are the masked people.
These are
the people who always tend to break relationships and try to create rift. I
even heard in an upanyasa one person saying families were brothers, sisters and
parents leave in co-ordination and love is of no use to our dharma as they are
entangled in the moha .
Once the
influence of these kinds of fake hypocrites started building on the girl she
started to change. She was told that in menses period if you fail to follow
rituals (regular rituals were followed and the only thing that was broken was
using computers and hearing her voice as according to shastra we should not
hear the voice of menses girl) then you will be blessed with a blind son. If
you get your hair trimmed, then you would be sent to hell. These were the kinds
of advice that the girl was constantly given.
After
hearing this, the best thing the girl could have done was she could have just
followed what they told if it was what she believed in. But here comes the
attitude of today’s majority females.
She suddenly
started blaming me that I was the reason for every small hindrance she had in
her life. She told just because of me she is suffering as I allowed her to be
free in my house and allowed her to be as she wished.
I just
ignored and told if that was the case, then let us just forget it and I
apologise. I told her if she feels it is bad then she can just stop coming to
our kali or shani place.
This is a
classic example of how liberal fathers of today are cheated by their daughters.
There were days when fathers used to be strict and wanted their children to be
strictly disciplined and follow rules.
But today to
keep their daughters stress free fathers most of them give full support to
every action their daughters perform. They say never to fear for anything and
will stand by her daughter even when the mothers criticize fearing about what
others say in the society.
But one fine
day, the same daughter says to the father, Dad it was you who spoiled me, It
was you who allowed me to be like this and now I am suffering. You are the reason
for what I am today ?
This happens
in most cases when the girl decides something, it just goes completely awry and
then after failure it is the poor dad who will be attacked.
Then what
does the parents feel ? what does the other members of family feel ? they feel
it is dangerous to handle a girl and this leads to a human tendency to prefer
males over females.
I agree that
the same case happens even in the case of male children. But in case of male
children they can be convinced and they will soon understand that it was for
his good that his dad kept him free and allowed him to decide on his own.
But
in case of female children when you allow them to take decisions and when there
decisions go wrong the first person to face the wrath is the poor dad who was
just doing everything for her good.
In my case
this was not just the end. When I told to stop if she really felt my house was
a curse, she felt it hurt her ego. Then she started saying, I did everything
because I am a flirt. I helped her only because she was a female. I did
everything because I wanted to take scope in society with good girls. I used
her to attract people attention. These were the kind of remarks that I finally
received for having supported girl against what the dharma or aacharas says.
This led me
into deep depression. I suffered a lot which only me and my wife knows. My wife
stood by me through out this trauma. It led to me taking a wrong decision and
that deteriotated my health further and today I have struck with an irrepairable
damage. The only solution I am working out for that is to kill all the infected
cells by burning nearing 1000 calories per day and this is the reason I run
like a devil.
Now my elder
son who understands my feeling says, dad this world should have been made only
with males and females are a curse. I have to change his attitude. Luckily I
have great examples for him like my sister daughter and others who I feel can
impact his decision and make him feel that girls are a boon to the society.
It is now
that I really feel great that God blessed me with three male kids rather than
fulfilling my wish and gave five males in my family.
Tomorrow i
will be a person who when I find out that my grand child in my daughter-in-law
womb is female I may be happy but at some corner of my heart I always expect it
to be a son.
This is the
way that it is the attitude and the misuse of freedom given by their fathers
that leads society to think thrice about going in for a female child.
So in my
opinion it is in the hands of today’s girls to prove whether the next
generation men prefer male or female generations ahead. Neither the ban on sex
determination, nor the strict laws can change the scenario, gender equality in numbers
can only be achieved by the attitude of today’s existing girls.
For every
girl or boy please understand The
greatest happiness a Man enjoys is when he feels that it is just because of him
that someone in somepart of world is happy. Every father, every mentor, every
coach wishes that he feels happy that someone life I have changed. The only
return he expects is that the person for whom he dedicated his life is happy
and successful.
But when the
same person, due to some hard luck faces some down fall, they suddenly say it
is because of you that I suffered. It is because of you and because I came to
you I am broken. These words are the one that kills every dad in this society.
People think
that when a boy falls in love with a girl and the girl ditches he becomed
devdas and it’s the biggest pain. But what most girls doesn’t understand is
that the pain a father suffers when his daughter says “I HATE YOU” is almost
100 times more painful than the lovers pain.
The result -
these elderly learned people understand
girls are dangerous. They are sufferings. This damages the very reputation of older wise men on younger females and this is the real reason behind female discrimination
during birth.
So in my
opinion
STOPPING
FEMALE INFANTICIDES LIES IN THE HANDS OF TODAY’S DAUGHTERS.
WHEN YOUR DAD LETS YOU FREE AND GIVES YOU
INDEPENDENCE STAND BY FOR WHAT YOU WERE COMMITTED IRRESPECTIVE OF WHAT OTHERS
SAY THEN YOUR DAD WILL ALWAYS WISH THAT
THE CHILD HE WANTS FOR HIS SON SHOULD BE A FEMALE OR ELSE
HE WILL
SURELY PERFORM HARIWAMSHA AND ALL KINDS OF VRATHAS TO HAVE A MALE GRAND CHILD
