Man is a social animal. He loves to interact with people and make new friends. There are only about 1% of people in this world who are like columbus. They enjoy exploring non living things like New Lands. The other category of other 4% of people who enjoy exploring New things and we call them scientists. There explorations helps the entire mankind.
There are another around 2% people who explore living creatures and we call them biologist, botonist doctors etc. Again they are meant to serve the mankind
Bur the remaining 93% people in this universe love to explore Humans and their emotions. Everyone wants to know something new about the other. The greatest psychology observed here is that all humans wish to hear more about people who are doing bad rather than the people who are doing good. When an appreciated job is done people speak about them and appreciate for about 10% time and in the remaining 90% they love to discuss about the person or people who have done bad. The reason behind this is when we are speaking about a good deed of a person he appears to be better than us and that hurts our ego at some point. However when we speak about something which involves some bad deeds of a person that makes us feel that we are better than him. This factor makes us happy. And to keep us happy we discuss more and more about the bad deeds.
The point here is, when we start a discussion about a person who appears to be taking some steps or in the process of taking some step, we first start it at a lower tone. But once we feel happy that we are better than him, we tend to multiply that happiness level by simply imagining things that he might do in the process of that step. These imaginations over a period of time looses its control and he might do, he might do he might do, slowly gets exaggerated as He did , He did, He did and this is what we term as gossiping.
Film actors and actresses are paid heftily and are provided the best facilities by this society and the purpose they have to serve the society is that they should provide the society enough stuff for them to gossip, enjoy and feel happy. Most magazines, media earn their TRPs just by gossiping and it is a part and parcel of life.
However when the same gossiping transfers from the society of film actors and actresses to our own living society it starts creating huge disasters. While talking about a person we never intend to understand that the 0.1% of happiness we earn by gossiping about that person will actually be harming that particular person 99.9%. To get a 0.1% pleasure we destroy 99.9% of reputation or happiness of the other person. This alarming proportion of loss clearly shows us that Gossping is a very very bad part of human society.
I was a great victim of human gossiping. I sincerely agree that i am also a part of gossipers and in the event of discussions with people i have gossiped a lot about others. I never felt anything harmful in that until i myself fell the victim of Gossiping.
My entire thinking, My transparency in my deeds, my confidence level about myself, my relationship with my wife everything went haywire for a few days and it took a very very long time to regain all those things. I would have encountered a greater pain and sufferings if our family was a small family. But fortunately i have a big family, My parents, my brother and especially the five children and my sweet sister and their full family helped me come out of this great pain faster.
The subject of Gossiping also plays a major role. Even before there were many gossips about us. We took it as a joke and enjoyed it with others. It was just a good time pass. But the gossiping which involves a relationship with a women provides the maximum level of satisfaction and happiness for the gossipers and the highest level of damage to the victim. This kind of gossiping was the factor which affected me severely.
It all started with the matter which I had discussed in my previous blog dating a daughter. Accidentally in my life I had someone who entered my life through orkut. For me she was just a friend like the other 130 and odd i have in my orkut account. Whenever in social network site if someone scraps me i reply back. Similarly in sms if someone sms me i reply back. All conversations starts from me in this manner and i myself never force to converse with anyone until there is absolute necessity, On a birthday, on some achievement i myself scrap or ping them. Or otherwise i keep acting like a reactor to people around me.
The process of my reaction to a call from a girl on orkut, went on to the level of developing a very strong bond with her. When someone says positive things we appreciate their achievements and forget it. But when someone says negative things like i am in trouble, I am feeling useless, my confidence level is low, etc, immediately as a human our first thought will be can I be of some use to them. This thought will splash up 500% faster if the person asking it is from the opposite sex. The same way my thought popped up and since she was from my field i asked her to work on some of our projects.
She slowly showed lot of interest in my animations and graphic jobs and told she would come and work in our place. My entire family agreed and as an employee she started learning as well as working on our ongoing projects. Only thing was since she was alone here in a PG we use to take her to all our family functions and kept her in contact with all our relations.
I really appreciate my sathvick family members ie my father brother sisters, and also my mother family members of sosale who sincerely accepted her and treated her with right respect. But the problem started with my wife side relations. I had the greatest respect and affection towards their entire family. They also behaved in front of me to be very affectionate towards me. So as usual with a good gesture i introduced this girl to them just like they know the others who work with me.
Later the turn of events really shocked me. I felt like that the entire earth below my feet blew open. First i saw small changes in their behaviours. In front of me they remained very affectionate but in my absence my wife started receiving phone calls. They called her and started asking where that girl is staying, how much time she will stay here, at the time of work where i will sit and where the girl sits, and the frequency of these enquiries gradually kept increasing.
Later I became the topic of discussion among all there family discussion matters. Whenever they gathered they use to gather they started enjoying this subject. This gossiping slowly started entertaining them. Actually from my wife side, two of her sister children were very close to me and always use to come and go to my house. They caught hold of them and started asking what is my behaviour with that girl. At the beginning they told about my real intentions and when the level of pressure to break open any one reason for them to doubt, they in a funny gesture told something and that was the thing they were waiting for. When I went to my wife sister house I was suddenly attacked in a gesture like I am having an affair. I was shocked. I was broken.
Actually the amount of risk here involved was very high for that girl. She was innocent. She had come with a trust to make a career. I felt this gossiping will result in huge disaster. I had taken her on a project which was for a duration of two months. But without thinking a moment i asked her to leave back to her place immediately to be frank this sudden decision made me change the entire contract I had signed with a company. It was going to cost me atleast 300 dollars to make a new bid and retake the project in an another name. Even then i decided to forbid this loss and sent that girl away from my life for ever.
Actually I always feel a lot of pain when I have someone who enter my life goes away for ever. I always want to maintain an everlasting relationships with people and not a stop gap time pass relationships. But here i failed. This failure will have an everlasting impact on my life. I really felt like I had a daughter of age 22 who suddenly died in some accident. My values, My respect to relationships everything got totally shaken. I was totally broken and fell totally down.
But I have an angel by my side and that is my wife Pankaja. She understood my feelings. She made an attempt to get back that girl and send her back in a good gesture so that the relationship in their family heart remains for ever. Her efforts turned into vain and in turn she got humiliated by the family members of that girl. They took Pankaja left and right and Pankaja had to bear such a big humiliation quitely.
So we both suffered. When I suffer, I will not be happy, When I am not happy, My brother cannot be happy, He has to hide it. When we both are not happy my parents turn worried. Children loose the good loving environment in which they are supposed to grow. A family of 11 members had their happy feelings hidden and buried for a few weeks.
However I have a great father. My sister and her husband, and above all i reside in an area which knows and respects my family so much. They all allowed us to bounce back and today we are back to normal and are having back our lost glory.
I always remember another one unknown person who first came as a trouble maker and later left making a long lasting impact. That person was Prashanth Mathole. When this girl came he sent mails. I first thought he is a trouble maker. But he was someone sent by god who warned about situations that may lead if I give more importance to that girl than my family. Actually at one point I thought of having that girl in my project and in my life as my god sent daughter through out my life. A thought came, when I am good by my heart, when I have not done any mistake, why should I fear the gossip makers. But Prashanth Mathole had warned me about the implications it will have when the gossips started by my wife side relatives reaches the girl side relatives. What if such gossips reaches the families of alliances for which the parents of that girl are trying for. Then instead of helping that girl i would totally ruin that girl career. So I decided to give up this girl forever from my life. For this one reason I sincerely thank this unknown person Prashanth Mathole
At the end everything ended with a good deed. Who ever reads this blog I want to make them clear that let them think a thousand time before they gossip about human relationships. It might be a five minute entertainment for them but it will create an unrepairable impact on the people on whom they are gossiping.
